Horror Church Stories

Alright so when Ryan and I were first married we lived in downtown SLC. It was a rather shady area considering in our apartment complex a lady was mugged and also one block away was a big multi-gang fight. Anyways, our ward at church was also a little weird. Here are a few of the stories that I don't want to forget:

#1.  We are sitting in Sacrament meeting during the most sacred part of the meeting...the Sacrament. A lady's cell phone rings (inappropriate already) but instead of just turning it off..she actually answers it. Because it was really quiet already the ENTIRE room heard her conversation. This is how it went.
Weird lady: "Hi"
lady on phone: "Hey, what are you doing? Are you busy?"
Weird lady: "No, I am just at church. What are you doing?"
lady on phone: "oh, I didn't realize you were at church so I will just call later."
weird lady: "OK. Bye"
All during the Sacrament portion of the Sacrament.

#2.  You know how every ward has THAT one person. You know the one that is a little off but they have no idea. (I totally get that I am THAT person most the time as well) But you know what I mean. There was this little older lady who was THAT person. One time during Sunday School she stood up shaking her manual at the instructor and yelling "your not following the manual. I have taught this before and you are not teaching from the manual." She continued yelling at the instructor and stood up from her seat and walked up the aisle to him yelling the entire time. Finally, she had to be escorted out. Lucky for Ryan and I...she was the "assigned" to come to our Sunday School class that we taught. It was an unwritten rule that Ryan was the one who always had to redirect the class after she made a comment. We would ask some great spiritual question like "what are some ways to strengthen our marriages?" (Side note: we taught the Strengthening your marriage class and we had only been married a few months.) She would raise her hand and say something like " my son just bought a HUGE TV but they don't pay tithing and his wife ate a banana." Seriously, kudos for Ryan for somehow always bringing us back on track.

#3. Everybody knows that fast Sunday can be interesting no matter what ward you are in. This ward was no exception.  One time this lady was at the pulpit bearing her testimony. A homeless man who came to the ward wearing a trench coat and cowboy hat stood up in the middle of the congregation and starting shouting from his seat "I believe in the great Jehovah. Jehovah is real....and he kept going" The woman at the pulpit slowly backed up and sat down until he sat down and then she got back up and resumed where she left off.

#4. This might be the best story but I'll let you decide.  Another Sunday in Sacrament meeting this woman on the back row started having a seriously panic/breathing attack.  The paramedics were called. Side note: the building we met in is the original 8th ward of the church so the building is old. The doors to the outside pretty much open into the chapel. Okay so the paramedics come and start working on the lady IN the chapel (at the back but still in the chapel).  Nothing was paused in the meeting to accommodate the dying lady. The poor little deacons had to say "excuse me" as they stepped over the woman to continue passing the Sacrament. They literally stepped over the lady and around the paramedics as they are getting the lady on a stretcher in order to pass the Sacrament.

Alright....now do you understand why I don't want to forget these stories? Actually, it will be a sad day IF I ever did forget these stories because they are, shall we say, unforgettable.